I like movies... I live in an outdoorsey place where people live to hike, mountain-bike, ski, etc. Whenever you ask anyone here what they like to do, whether it's a manly girl in a Subaru, or a fat guy with food stains on his shirt, you will inevitably, at some point in the conversation, hear the phrase "I love the outdoors" Try it...
I think the outdoors are just swell, I can appreciate the occasional hike, and I definitely have no problem going out on a ski boat (ski boats here are like crack cocaine for hot girls with bikini's; they just can't say no), but if you ask me what I like to do in my free time, and the way we spend our free time defines us; I'll tell you that I like to go to the movies. Walking into the cool, dark theater, cargo pockets full of contraband treats, a giant coke in one hand and a sweatshirt in the other (you never know if it'll be chilly in there) and I am a happy camper. I don't need parties. I hate clubs. Just give me a good movie and a buddy, and life, for those two hours, is just about perfect.
So last week, on my day off, my buddy Bert calls me up to see if I want to go to a show, I, of course, say yes, and then for some reason, let him talk me into seeing Tarantino's new flick Inglorious Basterds. Unlike everybody from California and most self conscious people, who I secretly believe are lying about it, I'm not a Tarantino fan. I think he tries too hard. The quirky 60's-music soundtracks, the trendy stars, the word-smithing, it just get's old after a while.... This one was no exception.
Most guys like Red Dawn, and whether we admit it or not, think it would be cool to be invaded by the Russians and have to live in the mountains and fight back as guerilla warriors. Most girls love Jane Austin and would love to be Elizabeth Bennett falling in love with Mr. Darcy and dancing to chamber music. I think Basterds is some sort of Jewish WWII fantasy where a team of mostly American jews takes revenge on the Nazi's slaughtering them left and right and sowing fear throughout the Reich, and eventually, taking out Hitler in a bloody gun battle. It's not a bad fantasy either my jewish friends... Got no problem with the concept. I love the Hebrew and love the idea of him giving back to the filthy Hun hoards.
What I didn't need was three hours of dragged out scenes, three hours of Brad Pitt putting on some accent that was neither funny nor realistic, and slow closeup scalp scenes. Q could have shortened the ultra long parts, made Pitt talk normal, sped up the scalping, kept his weird soundtrack and unlikely storyline and walked away with a decent picture. It was downright painful to watch...
Quentin should take a cue from Monster Squad... That's right, Monster Squad. A short, funny 80's movie starring mostly unknowns about a group of kids that take on Dracula's gang as they try to take over the world. No attempt whatsoever is made to bring any authenticity to the storyline or the setting. Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, and the wolfman are campy, cliche, and predictable. The soundtrack is cheesy at best, the acting is subpar, and it's politically incorrect enough to make a college humanities professor weep, but it's a great movie.
It doesn't try to be anything but fun. There are good guys, bad guys, a tough guy, a fat kid (who they actually call Fat Kid) a pretty girl, and all kinds of bathroom humor jokes that will have you rolling in your seat because they are the same kind of jokes that we told when we were kids.
Contrary to popular belief, there is such a thing as too much violence, too much language, too much skin, especially when it becomes a scene, or a film's only selling point. Slow graphic scenes of men being scalped is like cinematic peacocking... You're trying to hard man..! I'm not saying don't scalp nazi's and don't kill Hitler. That stuff is cool. I'm just saying tone it down a little. We'll still get the picture.
Anyways, to all of my zero followers, here's a little Monster Squad courtesy of youtube...
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