Princess Catherine of Wales

Probably seen ten different articles/headlines since it was announced yesterday that Prince William has finally popped the question to his longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton, and, I have to admit, I've read every one of them.

Yeah, I know only Great Britain and bored American housewives are supposed to care about fairy tail weddings, but this chick is hot. Smoking hot. Passes the party test. What's the party test you ask..? Well, sometimes I'll be reading the news and I'll see some article or picture of a celebrity and the article will be fawning about how beautiful or handsome that person is. Sometimes they'll even get an award for it (People's 50 Most Beautiful People) and all the while I'm sitting here thinking, "Michelle Obama is nine feet tall and looks like Chewbaca... Why the hell are they calling her beautiful..?" Nothing against the first lady. I'm talking from a purely aesthetic standpoint.

So, to avoid the confusion that fame and station often create, I apply the party test and ask myself, "If I were to meet this person at a party (and they weren't rich or famous) would I still think they were hot..?" For example, if I met America Ferrari, or whatever that girl from Ugly Betty's name is, at a party, would I want to hook up with her..? Given the booty drought I've been in for the last several months, I probably would.. :( But would I tell anyone about it..? When it comes to America or the First Lady, the answer is hell no... I would take several very thorough showers and place the memories in the shame closet with a few other drought relief/weak moment booty calls from my past. Now, if by some miracle, I went to a party and hooked up with Salma Hayak (also from Ugly Betty), I'd think myself on par with deity, having been in contact with perfection.

Which brings us back to Lady Kate... She's smoking hot. And not just because she's famous and about to become a princess, but because if she were just an average girl the you met at a party, even without the cool accent, and if were lucky enough to hook up with her, I would be high fiving myself in the mirror, waking up my boys the next morning to go to breakfast so that I could tell them of my triumph, AND, in my jubilation, even paying for breakfast... She's that hot. So, if you want to laugh at me for being intrigued with this whole engagement and wedding, laugh away. I'll never be ashamed to be intrigued with hotness.

Now, being a stand up guy, I will admit that the whole princess thing adds to the hotness, as does the accent, as does being English. Why differentiate between the accent and the Britishness..? Well, a couple of years ago, I got ahold of a movie called Love Actually, which is about the interconnected lives a whole bunch of people, and the story takes place in London at Christmas time. It is, hands down, my favorite Christmas movie of all time and affected so much that right after seeing it, I booked a flight to London. I'd never been, nor had I ever felt any particular desire to go see the mother country, but something about that movie made me want to go check it out.

England didn't disappoint. Despite the fact that I went alone (it was very last minute) and that it was some of the most bitter cold wet weather I'd ever experienced, it was one of best trips I'd ever taken. A busy town with a vibe all it's own, London was everything I'd expected it to be. Shepherd's pie in a warm pub, Christmas decorations everywhere, history at every turn, I could easily live there. Unlike Las Vegas, where I felt oddly at home the first time I ever visited (go figure) London didn't feel at home, but felt more like a place I just wanted to get to know better and better. Every shop in Knotting Hill had my attention, every sign on the highway advertising a castle or a museum caught my attention. Even the movie theaters and grocery stores were interesting...

One thing that did stand out to me without really bothering me was the fact that there aren't a whole lot of beautiful people in England. Pale, unhealthy, out of shape, frumpy, while there was so much history and culture to see, the hottie count was hurting. Even took the time to go to a church on Sunday (that's right, the soapbox goes to church) and even though it was a congregation made up primarily of singles, there wasn't much there. Which makes a good looking woman stand out that much more. As I said, there wasn't that much to look at during church, but there was one girl who stood out like a supermodel. Back here, in the states, she would have also stood out, but less so because, well, it's America and it's full of beautiful women.

All of this rambling is in an effort to drive home the point that it's ok for me to be interested in the upcoming royal wedding because the new princess is smoking hot and worth the time.

As for the GB, it's also worth your attention and the money. Go during Christmas, dress warmly, take a ton of money so that you can enjoy yourself. I'm throwing in a little something video clip of the beginning of Johnny English which stars Rowan Atkinson of Mr. Bean fame as a bumbling English spy, not for any particular reason, but simply because I'm feeling an affinity for the old country today.. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDrIGdCMwT4&feature=related

Hello boys and girls.... Is anybody out there..? Probably not. That's ok. This was a one man show from the get go. Thought I'd check in seeing as it's been a while. This time of year is usually when the best movies are supposed to come out. The last couple of years have seen a lot of comic books and cartoons brought to the big screen. This year, Hollywood, devoid of creativity or originality, decided to tread on holy ground for its inspiration attempting to recreate the magic of Karate Kid AND, can ya believe it, The A-team...

Let's start with the Karate Kid. I'm not so sure if it was meant to be taken seriously as a movie or if Will Smith was overdoing it on the Christmas presents when he cast his underage, undersized, inexperienced son as the westerner who gets introduced to the world of martial arts. Maybe I should just list my beefs:

Soundtrack - who doesn't remember the iconic fight scene with "You're the Best" playing in the background, or "Cruel Summer" as Daniel goes back to school after getting beat down at the beach? Or how about "Young Hearts" when they go on their first date? Nope, rather than sticking with simple, light, and yes, slightly campy fare, Smith tries to keep it real by thugging out the soundtrack holding on to blackness like a warm blanket... "That's racist man..!!!" you might say... Well, I just don't remember Daniel crossing the country in an IROC or wearing a tracksuit to school. They could have given him some more Italian/New York flavor, but they didn't need to because they had a good story.

Jaden Smith - cute kid, flexible, athletic. Ralph Machio - feminine, walks like a chick, can't fight. BUUUTTTT.... MACHIO IS A REAL ACTOR!!! You pulled a Godfather 3 when you put your son in the lead role. Sure, you might like it, it might make him feel good, and your wife likes it, but THE BOY CAN'T ACT!!! Machio had The Outsiders under his belt. Smith had four lines in that Happyness movie...!!!! Come on. Keep the nepotism out of Hollywood. We need more Nicolas Coppola's in the world. Guy wants to earn his place so he changes his last name to Cage and works his way up. Doesn't go crying to Uncle Francis Ford to go buy him a big budget movie.

Title - It's not karate... It's Kung Fu. They had such little faith in the quality of their garbage film that the on thing they stayed true to was the title. (outside the US, it's called The Kung Fu Kid)

Jackie Chan - only bright spot in the film. Chan brought a magic to the film that was all his own and did honor to the memory of Pat Morita.

My worksmith isn't working so well today, so, as usual, I'll let our friends at YouTube do the talking: